Ah, yes, my mother-in-law is visiting this week. (Notice the lack of cheers and applause.)
My husband and I are preparing for baby by cleaning out, donating, and organizing our house. This includes all closets, cupboards, drawers, and yes, even the garage.
Last year my sister-in-law and mother-in-law moved out of their apartment due to financial reasons. My SIL moved in with us. And my MIL moved in with a friend. And some how, like my SIL wasn't enough, all their "stuff" moved into our house as well, well, the rest of it, that didn't make the move the first time they moved into a smaller place four years ago.
This "stuff" took over our beautifully organized and space-ish garage, and turned it into a storage container. For over a year now, or if you count the stuff from before, almost four years now.
I was surprised when the closets and cupboards and drawers only took a week to do. And so I decided to head into the garage for a peak last week.
Bad idea.
Thankfully, I was able to pull my pregnancy powers over my husband, and he agreed to have his mom come up for a week to go through her items in the garage to donate, throw away, or take down with her to her new apartment in another city.
I have mentioned before, but my MIL is a germ freak. Bad. Like, she keeps her purse in the trunk of her car because it is too dirty to keep in the main part of the car, where your feet are...
And, on top of that, she is a pack rat. I know, doesn't really fit the stereotype, but boy is she ever!
I knew her cleaning out the garage was going to be a issue. But, I really want my garage back. And living in the desert, it is either really super hot, really super windy, or really super cold. It would be a dream to be able to have my car live in the garage where I can easily get baby in and out without regard for the outside conditions.
Before we went to pick her up for the week, we made two piles in the garage. One was our stuff that we accumulated over the last year and didn't have a proper place to put them in due to all the apartment stuff. This pile was small. Fit nicely into a corner. The other pile was my MIL's stuff. And that literally took up 3/4 of the floor of our garage. It was disgusting.
What is more disgusting? My MIL has yet to throw a single thing away, and this is day four of her working in there.
I mean really, I opened a box and saw old, dried up paints. Nothing but dead craft paint. And yesterday, I saw the same box, nicely tapped, labeled "craft paints" and in her "to still store here" pile.
No way Jose!
Those babies are toast once she is gone.
And I am sure a lot of other things will be too. My husband and I disagree on what of hers will stay in our garage and what will go away. I want it all gone. He wants most gone.
But my thinking is that if it won't fit into their new apartment now, it will never fit again. What good is a big box of dried paint containers in my garage, when she lives 150 miles away? Can't do crafts with it being in the garage.
Oh man.
If only I listened to my mother and really understood that you don't just marry your husband, you marry his family as well.
Then I would have had to the notion to move far away right after the wedding. Far enough away where the ability to house crap in my garage would not be an option.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
News Anchor Puts Down Oreos To Address Complaints
This morning I turned on Facebook to see lots of my friends sharing a link of a news anchor who did a piece regarding an email she received from a viewer regarding her weight.
The viewer email stated that the lady news anchor should consider slimming down for the public because obesity is a serious threat and her flaunting her obesity on the television each day gave the wrong image to her viewers, especially young girls.
The news anchor fought back and did a 2 minute piece reacting to the email and its contents and how she was being bullied and that even though she can take the nasty remarks, possibly obese viewers could not, and she was not going to stand for that.
Hm.
I have two thoughts.
One, it seems that we have become a society so used to seeing our public figures slim, in shape, and basically, sexually appealing, that any public figure that does not fit that perfect box, is an immediate outcast and is prone to hear about it. I mean, have you seen the local weather people these days? Straight from a magazine with the right clothes labels to prove it. I mean really, I don't need a fashion model to read me the temps for the week.
Two, as my husband puts it, I pay to watch TV, and since I have to look at ugly people all day in my regular life, I want to look at pretty people on TV, especially since I have to pay for it. I don't want to pay to look at ugly people when I can do that for free.
In the end, I really see no wrong here from either side. The viewer pays to watch the news program and offered an opinion, a pretty strong opinion, but an opinion nonetheless. The news anchor responded to the viewer as being a bully. Both were right in what they did.
But I guess I am leaning more towards the thought that if you are in the public eye, you need to roll with the punches. And if that means roll with the punches because you are overweight, than so be it. You have the ability to change that, and if you decide not to, then keep moving forward.
I don't want to hear your backlash at a viewer when I choose to watch the news. That isn't news. That is fighting back. Do it on your own time. Put it up on YouTube or something. But don't do it during the scheduled broadcast. I think that sends the wrong message. And, really, it isn't news. Do a piece on bullying instead and use that viewer email as an example. Not the main topic.
And, yes, society does seem to expect our public figures, such as news anchors, to be beautiful. But, there might be hope on the horizon, because the cast of Honey Boo Boo looks to be trying to change all of that.
The viewer email stated that the lady news anchor should consider slimming down for the public because obesity is a serious threat and her flaunting her obesity on the television each day gave the wrong image to her viewers, especially young girls.
The news anchor fought back and did a 2 minute piece reacting to the email and its contents and how she was being bullied and that even though she can take the nasty remarks, possibly obese viewers could not, and she was not going to stand for that.
Hm.
I have two thoughts.
One, it seems that we have become a society so used to seeing our public figures slim, in shape, and basically, sexually appealing, that any public figure that does not fit that perfect box, is an immediate outcast and is prone to hear about it. I mean, have you seen the local weather people these days? Straight from a magazine with the right clothes labels to prove it. I mean really, I don't need a fashion model to read me the temps for the week.
Two, as my husband puts it, I pay to watch TV, and since I have to look at ugly people all day in my regular life, I want to look at pretty people on TV, especially since I have to pay for it. I don't want to pay to look at ugly people when I can do that for free.
In the end, I really see no wrong here from either side. The viewer pays to watch the news program and offered an opinion, a pretty strong opinion, but an opinion nonetheless. The news anchor responded to the viewer as being a bully. Both were right in what they did.
But I guess I am leaning more towards the thought that if you are in the public eye, you need to roll with the punches. And if that means roll with the punches because you are overweight, than so be it. You have the ability to change that, and if you decide not to, then keep moving forward.
I don't want to hear your backlash at a viewer when I choose to watch the news. That isn't news. That is fighting back. Do it on your own time. Put it up on YouTube or something. But don't do it during the scheduled broadcast. I think that sends the wrong message. And, really, it isn't news. Do a piece on bullying instead and use that viewer email as an example. Not the main topic.
And, yes, society does seem to expect our public figures, such as news anchors, to be beautiful. But, there might be hope on the horizon, because the cast of Honey Boo Boo looks to be trying to change all of that.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Extinct Like the Dinosaurs
Well it is that time of year again, when my small community hosts its annual Relay for Life 24-hour relay for the American Cancer Society.
This will be my 12th year that I have been involved with this fundraiser. And actually, thinking about it, I have spent all of those 12 events on the track and field the entire night! There is nothing more inspiring and uplifting than to get to the event in the evening, watch the sun set, wait all night through the long dark hours, and then finally see the sun rise once again.
That part of the event, eventhough the coordinators had nothing to do with that piece, God takes care of that one for us, but that part of the event, truly shows the cycle of one's life with cancer. The great sunny day is all of the years before being diagnosed with cancer. The sun set marks the first sign of cancer as there is still hope that cancer is not the diagnoses. Then there comes the deep dark night when some hope gets lost and your body is not longer your own. And finally through the darkness, there comes the sun again, sweeping away the cancer and allowing you to go into remission and to begin to regain your own body back and regain all hope.
12 years ago I attended my first relay event on the track and field at my high school. I was a freshmen. This is was the second or third relay that our community had put on, so it still kind of new people. My high school marching band was asked to play at the opening ceremony, and reluctantly I agree to attend with them.
We began the opening ceremony with the Star Spangled Banner and then did some football songs and ended with the school's fight song. As I clung to my trombone during those songs, I am pretty sure I did not get one single note out of that instrument that day.
A month before the relay, my best friend, who I had met in kindergarten and remained friends, had his life taken by that ugly thing called cancer. And in fact, the relay event that year, was in his honor.
I had no idea that my friend was so sick at the time. I knew he had struggled with cancer ever since the second grade, but at the 8th grade promotion ceremony, just a few months earlier from the relay, he was able to attend.
Somehow he had enough strength and courage to make it to the promotion ceremony eventhough he had just lost his right leg due to the spreading of cancer in his bones.
I proudly watched him as he stepped onto that promotion stage to receive his certificate, up the three stairs and back down, on crutches, with his right pant leg hemmed up to his knee.
That was just four months before he died.
When I found out he had passed away, I felt something I had never felt before. Deep sadness.
Sure, I had had lots of other people die in my life before him. My grandfather included. And all of those passings where difficult for me too, but all of those who had passed before my friend, were over the age of 70. At that "old" age, there is no where to go but up (literally!), right?
But I had never experienced a death of a friend my own age.
How could God allow this to happen? Doesn't he know that only "old" people should die?
My parents graciously allowed to take me out of school for my friend's funeral. I remember his funeral as if it were yesterday.
There were lots of people I knew. But they were all older. I was probably the only person my friend's age there, besides his cousins. Was that because he spent most of his life at home fighting this disease so he didn't really have any friends? Or was it because it was a school day? I like to think that it is just because it was a school day...
I sat in the second row of the chairs on the grass of the cemetery, right in front of my friend's coffin. On his coffin there was a picture of him from the second grade. And a remote control car next to the picture frame (when he got sick, RC cars became his favorite hobby, as it didn't require much physical effort).
I asked my mom why his picture was not more recent - since the second grade was year's ago. She didn't know the real answer, but guessed that, the second grade was the last time he had a professional photo taken, and right before he got sick and didn't start to look like himself.
As I sat in that second row chair I prayed to God for peace for my friend. That he no longer had to suffer. And that God provide peace for his parents, and allow them to not suffer any longer as well.
And as I allowed my thoughts to drift in prayer, I remember saying to God, what do I do now?
And for the first time, I heard God whisper to me. He said, "Now you have to live your life to the absolute fullest, because Brian no longer can."
I knew it was God. The voice that came into my head, and offered that soft whisper was not my own. And I didn't feel myself processing that thought as it occurred in my head.
God spoke to me for the first time that day. Well, at least, I heard God speak to me for the first time that day.
And what he had to say was pretty inspiring.
To live my life to the fullest.
Participating in the relay each year reminds me of just that. To live your life to the fullest. No matter what. No matter if you have cancer. No matter if your a caretaker of someone with cancer. Live your life to the fullest.
Because you never know when it will be taken away from you.
(And, ps, the title of this post, "extinct like the dinosaurs" is the 2012 relay theme. To make cancer extinct like the dinosaurs! Amen to that!)
This will be my 12th year that I have been involved with this fundraiser. And actually, thinking about it, I have spent all of those 12 events on the track and field the entire night! There is nothing more inspiring and uplifting than to get to the event in the evening, watch the sun set, wait all night through the long dark hours, and then finally see the sun rise once again.
That part of the event, eventhough the coordinators had nothing to do with that piece, God takes care of that one for us, but that part of the event, truly shows the cycle of one's life with cancer. The great sunny day is all of the years before being diagnosed with cancer. The sun set marks the first sign of cancer as there is still hope that cancer is not the diagnoses. Then there comes the deep dark night when some hope gets lost and your body is not longer your own. And finally through the darkness, there comes the sun again, sweeping away the cancer and allowing you to go into remission and to begin to regain your own body back and regain all hope.
12 years ago I attended my first relay event on the track and field at my high school. I was a freshmen. This is was the second or third relay that our community had put on, so it still kind of new people. My high school marching band was asked to play at the opening ceremony, and reluctantly I agree to attend with them.
We began the opening ceremony with the Star Spangled Banner and then did some football songs and ended with the school's fight song. As I clung to my trombone during those songs, I am pretty sure I did not get one single note out of that instrument that day.
A month before the relay, my best friend, who I had met in kindergarten and remained friends, had his life taken by that ugly thing called cancer. And in fact, the relay event that year, was in his honor.
I had no idea that my friend was so sick at the time. I knew he had struggled with cancer ever since the second grade, but at the 8th grade promotion ceremony, just a few months earlier from the relay, he was able to attend.
Somehow he had enough strength and courage to make it to the promotion ceremony eventhough he had just lost his right leg due to the spreading of cancer in his bones.
I proudly watched him as he stepped onto that promotion stage to receive his certificate, up the three stairs and back down, on crutches, with his right pant leg hemmed up to his knee.
That was just four months before he died.
When I found out he had passed away, I felt something I had never felt before. Deep sadness.
Sure, I had had lots of other people die in my life before him. My grandfather included. And all of those passings where difficult for me too, but all of those who had passed before my friend, were over the age of 70. At that "old" age, there is no where to go but up (literally!), right?
But I had never experienced a death of a friend my own age.
How could God allow this to happen? Doesn't he know that only "old" people should die?
My parents graciously allowed to take me out of school for my friend's funeral. I remember his funeral as if it were yesterday.
There were lots of people I knew. But they were all older. I was probably the only person my friend's age there, besides his cousins. Was that because he spent most of his life at home fighting this disease so he didn't really have any friends? Or was it because it was a school day? I like to think that it is just because it was a school day...
I sat in the second row of the chairs on the grass of the cemetery, right in front of my friend's coffin. On his coffin there was a picture of him from the second grade. And a remote control car next to the picture frame (when he got sick, RC cars became his favorite hobby, as it didn't require much physical effort).
I asked my mom why his picture was not more recent - since the second grade was year's ago. She didn't know the real answer, but guessed that, the second grade was the last time he had a professional photo taken, and right before he got sick and didn't start to look like himself.
As I sat in that second row chair I prayed to God for peace for my friend. That he no longer had to suffer. And that God provide peace for his parents, and allow them to not suffer any longer as well.
And as I allowed my thoughts to drift in prayer, I remember saying to God, what do I do now?
And for the first time, I heard God whisper to me. He said, "Now you have to live your life to the absolute fullest, because Brian no longer can."
I knew it was God. The voice that came into my head, and offered that soft whisper was not my own. And I didn't feel myself processing that thought as it occurred in my head.
God spoke to me for the first time that day. Well, at least, I heard God speak to me for the first time that day.
And what he had to say was pretty inspiring.
To live my life to the fullest.
Participating in the relay each year reminds me of just that. To live your life to the fullest. No matter what. No matter if you have cancer. No matter if your a caretaker of someone with cancer. Live your life to the fullest.
Because you never know when it will be taken away from you.
(And, ps, the title of this post, "extinct like the dinosaurs" is the 2012 relay theme. To make cancer extinct like the dinosaurs! Amen to that!)
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Application Fever
As I mentioned in an earlier post, my husband has been looking for work in a new field.
And in an attempt to save some money, we do not have internet access at home. I only have access while at work.
And of course, as it stands, almost all job applications are posted where? Yes, online. And guess how you apply for these jobs? Yes, again, online.
In the beginning of his job hunting, I would scout out good openings for him and on his lunch he would come and pick and choose from my list and then apply for all that he felt were worth a shot.
But then over the weeks and months that past, this got really old. And he started to slack off. Or I wanted to go to a lunch buffet instead of being at work. And all these other excuses.
So what begin happening, was that I was now not only finding myself scouting for possible jobs, but now I was applying to them as well.
And you know how boring that is? Especially when it is not even for you?
I don't know what is it nowadays, but you can't just upload a pre-made resume into an application engine and send it off.
No. You have to create an account. This includes a username, but the first username you typed in was already taken, so you had to come up with another one. Then you must create a password that has 10 letters, 3 have to be uppercase, 2 have to be the same, and you also need to add 4 numbers, but do not place them together.
Now that you are into the system, you have to create a profile. Include your name, age, address, and boiler plate questionnaire and security questions regarding if you are a sex offender or not.
And then you have to type in your resume into their own unique system, so you have to retype your entire work history, all your references, all your educational backgrounds, and be sure to include the street and city addresses for all as well.
It is just ridiculous.
By the time you have all of that complete, two hours have gone by, easy.
And now you have that done, you have two more applications to complete by the end of the day (deadlines), and both are on different job sites, so the process has to begin all over again for both.
And you know, I have been applying for so many jobs for him, that it has come to the point now where I have created usernames and passwords with different organizations, and then find another opening at the same organization that I have already created a profile for months ago, and yup you guessed it, I forgot that I did. So now I have to either call their IT department and ask for a new username and password, or wait for an email explaining the ten steps it takes to reclaim the account.
Oh, if only I was more organized. I could have all this information in one place.
Or better yet, if I had known that I still would be applying for jobs seven months after I started, maybe I would have thought about saving that information in the first place.
But at the very least, my typing skills have improved. And, I know my husband's personal information like the back of my hand. And probably even better than I know my own.
So, here's to the one day where I can stop job hunting for him and instead just focus on washing his new work uniforms.
And in an attempt to save some money, we do not have internet access at home. I only have access while at work.
And of course, as it stands, almost all job applications are posted where? Yes, online. And guess how you apply for these jobs? Yes, again, online.
In the beginning of his job hunting, I would scout out good openings for him and on his lunch he would come and pick and choose from my list and then apply for all that he felt were worth a shot.
But then over the weeks and months that past, this got really old. And he started to slack off. Or I wanted to go to a lunch buffet instead of being at work. And all these other excuses.
So what begin happening, was that I was now not only finding myself scouting for possible jobs, but now I was applying to them as well.
And you know how boring that is? Especially when it is not even for you?
I don't know what is it nowadays, but you can't just upload a pre-made resume into an application engine and send it off.
No. You have to create an account. This includes a username, but the first username you typed in was already taken, so you had to come up with another one. Then you must create a password that has 10 letters, 3 have to be uppercase, 2 have to be the same, and you also need to add 4 numbers, but do not place them together.
Now that you are into the system, you have to create a profile. Include your name, age, address, and boiler plate questionnaire and security questions regarding if you are a sex offender or not.
And then you have to type in your resume into their own unique system, so you have to retype your entire work history, all your references, all your educational backgrounds, and be sure to include the street and city addresses for all as well.
It is just ridiculous.
By the time you have all of that complete, two hours have gone by, easy.
And now you have that done, you have two more applications to complete by the end of the day (deadlines), and both are on different job sites, so the process has to begin all over again for both.
And you know, I have been applying for so many jobs for him, that it has come to the point now where I have created usernames and passwords with different organizations, and then find another opening at the same organization that I have already created a profile for months ago, and yup you guessed it, I forgot that I did. So now I have to either call their IT department and ask for a new username and password, or wait for an email explaining the ten steps it takes to reclaim the account.
Oh, if only I was more organized. I could have all this information in one place.
Or better yet, if I had known that I still would be applying for jobs seven months after I started, maybe I would have thought about saving that information in the first place.
But at the very least, my typing skills have improved. And, I know my husband's personal information like the back of my hand. And probably even better than I know my own.
So, here's to the one day where I can stop job hunting for him and instead just focus on washing his new work uniforms.
Wanting to Shake Them Silly
In my work with college-age students I am finding myself more and more frustrated with how these young people chose to live their young lives, and the outlooks they have of them...
First, there is this freshmen in college, actually, she has not even had one day in college yet, and she thinks that she is Miss Independent. This is hilarious to me because her parents are 100% footing her college bill right down to her newly purchased dorm room shower curtain. I am sorry. But you are not at all, any sort, of independent, if your parents financial support your every move. You are still a child. You are still under the rules and regulations of your parents. Regardless if you are living under their roof anymore or not. Period.
Second, there is this sophomore in college who still has yet to find a part-time job after allegedly looking for over a year now. This person takes only 2 classes per semester, so 8 hours a week of in-class time. What does this person do the rest of the week? Today, this person visited me and was complaining about how difficult it is to find a job. And I asked - well, did you apply here? The answer - well, no because I refuse to work there because of the way their employees are treated, I saw the documentary. Ok, I responded, so did you apply at this place then? The answer - you guessed it, well no, because I don't want to work with shredded cheese (ACTUALLY answer might I add).
And finally, there is this other sophomore in college who still has yet to learn to let go and move on. The person's home life seems to have been shot from the get-go, but yet this person still lives at home and deals with the people that bring such drama into his life. And it seems that every other week he has moved out of his house because of reoccurring issues at home. So how do you help someone that doesn't help themselves? The very first time this person decided to move out, I helped him find a place to live. I gave him money to get by on until he could find a job. But that didn't work. He found an excuse to move back home - the very next week. Gave all the money to his family in the house he moved out of. And stopped looking for a job to instead work for free in the home, doing childcare for the younger siblings and running errands. And now this person has moved out again. No where to go. No money. No job.
At this point, I should just throw up my hands and say I quit.
That would probably really make me happy actually.
But then I remember how Jesus told us to forgive our neighbor 77 times. And if you read that scripture closely, it isn't 77 times in a lifetime. It is 77 times in the SAME day for the SAME offense. That's perfect love right there folks.
So no. I won't quit.
I won't give up.
And even when I feel frustrated and mad and upset over all these different situations I encounter, I will keep chugging along as Jesus would ask me to.
I should not get upset over something that I cannot control. And from lessons learned, I definitely cannot control this!
But you know who can?
Yup. God. God can handle all these situations. And he understands my frustrations too, I am sure.
So I will take comfort in knowing that God once again has my back. And that I was not placed here on earth to solve all the problems. Jesus was.
All I have to do now is show compassion for his people, and try to stay composed while doing it.
First, there is this freshmen in college, actually, she has not even had one day in college yet, and she thinks that she is Miss Independent. This is hilarious to me because her parents are 100% footing her college bill right down to her newly purchased dorm room shower curtain. I am sorry. But you are not at all, any sort, of independent, if your parents financial support your every move. You are still a child. You are still under the rules and regulations of your parents. Regardless if you are living under their roof anymore or not. Period.
Second, there is this sophomore in college who still has yet to find a part-time job after allegedly looking for over a year now. This person takes only 2 classes per semester, so 8 hours a week of in-class time. What does this person do the rest of the week? Today, this person visited me and was complaining about how difficult it is to find a job. And I asked - well, did you apply here? The answer - well, no because I refuse to work there because of the way their employees are treated, I saw the documentary. Ok, I responded, so did you apply at this place then? The answer - you guessed it, well no, because I don't want to work with shredded cheese (ACTUALLY answer might I add).
And finally, there is this other sophomore in college who still has yet to learn to let go and move on. The person's home life seems to have been shot from the get-go, but yet this person still lives at home and deals with the people that bring such drama into his life. And it seems that every other week he has moved out of his house because of reoccurring issues at home. So how do you help someone that doesn't help themselves? The very first time this person decided to move out, I helped him find a place to live. I gave him money to get by on until he could find a job. But that didn't work. He found an excuse to move back home - the very next week. Gave all the money to his family in the house he moved out of. And stopped looking for a job to instead work for free in the home, doing childcare for the younger siblings and running errands. And now this person has moved out again. No where to go. No money. No job.
At this point, I should just throw up my hands and say I quit.
That would probably really make me happy actually.
But then I remember how Jesus told us to forgive our neighbor 77 times. And if you read that scripture closely, it isn't 77 times in a lifetime. It is 77 times in the SAME day for the SAME offense. That's perfect love right there folks.
So no. I won't quit.
I won't give up.
And even when I feel frustrated and mad and upset over all these different situations I encounter, I will keep chugging along as Jesus would ask me to.
I should not get upset over something that I cannot control. And from lessons learned, I definitely cannot control this!
But you know who can?
Yup. God. God can handle all these situations. And he understands my frustrations too, I am sure.
So I will take comfort in knowing that God once again has my back. And that I was not placed here on earth to solve all the problems. Jesus was.
All I have to do now is show compassion for his people, and try to stay composed while doing it.
The In-Law Situation
Have you ever heard the old saying, "God will only give you what you can handle"?
Well, I believe this saying and often look to it in times of stress and overbooking and overall craziness.
But, in a different light, I now see this saying taking on a new meaning.
For background - my husband has never known his father. His mother and grandmother raised him and he has never even laid eyes on his father. Doesn't even really know if his father is still alive or where he even lives.
So when I married my husband, I gained only a mother-in-law, not a father-in-law too.
By this point I thought I had scored. Because I only had to deal with one in-law parent instead of two, or in some cases three or four.
But over the last few years of our marriage, I can see that God truly did give me all I can handle with only giving me one in-law parent.
When I married my husband I was told to be careful, because he and I are from different cultures, and he was raised much differently than me. And down the line, some where down the line, we would run into trouble.
I brushed them off as most excited new brides would, thinking that love would conquer all - but now I see where those good-doers were coming from.
My mother-in-law is an issue.
She is an issue in my life, my husband's life, our married life, and the lives of her other children.
And without going into much more detail for personal sake, I really can't handle her.
This next semester in MOPS, I am leading a group of new mothers through a Bible study book entitled, Mothering without Guilt. It hopes to teach these young moms how to let go of "false" guilt and learn to expect "true" guilt in her parenting.
One major "false" guilt that mothers carry is being what the book calls a "martyr mother." You know the type, where the mom puts guilt on her children for their successes and for her sacrifices she made raising her children and in return her children owe her things like phone calls, presents, money, and sometimes even more.
One perfect example of my mother-in-law being a "martyr mother" is when we offered her to stay with us for a week in our home, and she invited over eight of her personal friends to come over for dinner without asking us first, or even giving us a heads-up. As she put it, "This is my house. I can invite whomever I want over."
Well, no lady, this isn't your house. As I recall, you didn't have anything to do with purchasing it. But in her mind, it is her house, because it is her son's house, and her son belongs to her because she raised him.
And I am just venting here, but whenever I joking point out to her a characteristic of my husband's personality, she always responds by saying, "You don't think I know this? I am his mother! I know everything about him!" Well, again, no lady, you don't. His co-workers now know more about him than you.
I know that my relationship with my mother-in-law will only get worse once my child is born. I have seen it with the relationship of her other daughter-in-law and her first grandchild.
My only hope now is that God continues to hold my tongue when all I want to do is lash out at her for everything she has done, and let my husband do all the talking.
And I will continue to seek refuge knowing that God blessed me with only one in-law parent to deal with - because that's all he knew I could handle.
Well, I believe this saying and often look to it in times of stress and overbooking and overall craziness.
But, in a different light, I now see this saying taking on a new meaning.
For background - my husband has never known his father. His mother and grandmother raised him and he has never even laid eyes on his father. Doesn't even really know if his father is still alive or where he even lives.
So when I married my husband, I gained only a mother-in-law, not a father-in-law too.
By this point I thought I had scored. Because I only had to deal with one in-law parent instead of two, or in some cases three or four.
But over the last few years of our marriage, I can see that God truly did give me all I can handle with only giving me one in-law parent.
When I married my husband I was told to be careful, because he and I are from different cultures, and he was raised much differently than me. And down the line, some where down the line, we would run into trouble.
I brushed them off as most excited new brides would, thinking that love would conquer all - but now I see where those good-doers were coming from.
My mother-in-law is an issue.
She is an issue in my life, my husband's life, our married life, and the lives of her other children.
And without going into much more detail for personal sake, I really can't handle her.
This next semester in MOPS, I am leading a group of new mothers through a Bible study book entitled, Mothering without Guilt. It hopes to teach these young moms how to let go of "false" guilt and learn to expect "true" guilt in her parenting.
One major "false" guilt that mothers carry is being what the book calls a "martyr mother." You know the type, where the mom puts guilt on her children for their successes and for her sacrifices she made raising her children and in return her children owe her things like phone calls, presents, money, and sometimes even more.
One perfect example of my mother-in-law being a "martyr mother" is when we offered her to stay with us for a week in our home, and she invited over eight of her personal friends to come over for dinner without asking us first, or even giving us a heads-up. As she put it, "This is my house. I can invite whomever I want over."
Well, no lady, this isn't your house. As I recall, you didn't have anything to do with purchasing it. But in her mind, it is her house, because it is her son's house, and her son belongs to her because she raised him.
And I am just venting here, but whenever I joking point out to her a characteristic of my husband's personality, she always responds by saying, "You don't think I know this? I am his mother! I know everything about him!" Well, again, no lady, you don't. His co-workers now know more about him than you.
I know that my relationship with my mother-in-law will only get worse once my child is born. I have seen it with the relationship of her other daughter-in-law and her first grandchild.
My only hope now is that God continues to hold my tongue when all I want to do is lash out at her for everything she has done, and let my husband do all the talking.
And I will continue to seek refuge knowing that God blessed me with only one in-law parent to deal with - because that's all he knew I could handle.
Arguing With God
Some interesting life improvements have happened since my last post. First, I am pregnant with my first child. This is exciting, but it came more as a surprise and even six months into the pregnancy, I still feel that this really isn't happening to me. Second, my spouse has been applying for jobs in a new state we wish to move to and finally got offered an interview for a potential job there. Third, what I thought would be a permanent house guest, finally moved out after living with us free and clear for a year and a half.
But why am I not more excited?
I titled this post "arguing with God" because I shamefully think that I am. Eventhough things in my life are progressing, it just doesn't seem to be progressing the way I think it should be, or at the speed I think it should be. Why can't God just allow for the progressions I want, when I want, and how I want them to happen?
Now I know this is a problem with most people and God. People feel that God has left them or that God doesn't want to see them succeed. And to them I say hogwash. But for some reason, now that my own x, y, and z are not adding up for me, I seem to be in the same sad boat.
The problem with arguing with God is that he doesn't argue back. And that's probably the most frustrating. Because the best part about arguing is the back-and-forth and the best possible potential to win the argument at hand. But this doesn't happen when you argue with God. Actually the opposite happens. But you try your best argument on God, he simply rebuttals with a smile and a gentle laugh.
And this makes it worse.
Because deep down inside that stubborn heart of yours (or mine as this case may be), you know that you are wrong. You know that you have no right arguing with the King of Kings. And the only reason you are arguing in the first place, is because you lost your faith in Him. And as a Christian you are taught to never, ever, lose the faith.
Yes, I sinfully admit that I wish God would take better care of me. At least in my eyes.
But I know that my eyes are deceiving. And I need to reconnect with my Father in heaven. Stop denying his grace. Stop trying to prove I'm right. And be opened to his blessings in his rightful time. Not mine.
And I shouldn't want to push my agenda without God's backing in the first place.
The Lord truly only knows where I would be then.
But why am I not more excited?
I titled this post "arguing with God" because I shamefully think that I am. Eventhough things in my life are progressing, it just doesn't seem to be progressing the way I think it should be, or at the speed I think it should be. Why can't God just allow for the progressions I want, when I want, and how I want them to happen?
Now I know this is a problem with most people and God. People feel that God has left them or that God doesn't want to see them succeed. And to them I say hogwash. But for some reason, now that my own x, y, and z are not adding up for me, I seem to be in the same sad boat.
The problem with arguing with God is that he doesn't argue back. And that's probably the most frustrating. Because the best part about arguing is the back-and-forth and the best possible potential to win the argument at hand. But this doesn't happen when you argue with God. Actually the opposite happens. But you try your best argument on God, he simply rebuttals with a smile and a gentle laugh.
And this makes it worse.
Because deep down inside that stubborn heart of yours (or mine as this case may be), you know that you are wrong. You know that you have no right arguing with the King of Kings. And the only reason you are arguing in the first place, is because you lost your faith in Him. And as a Christian you are taught to never, ever, lose the faith.
Yes, I sinfully admit that I wish God would take better care of me. At least in my eyes.
But I know that my eyes are deceiving. And I need to reconnect with my Father in heaven. Stop denying his grace. Stop trying to prove I'm right. And be opened to his blessings in his rightful time. Not mine.
And I shouldn't want to push my agenda without God's backing in the first place.
The Lord truly only knows where I would be then.
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