Well it is that time of year again, when my small community hosts its annual Relay for Life 24-hour relay for the American Cancer Society.
This will be my 12th year that I have been involved with this fundraiser. And actually, thinking about it, I have spent all of those 12 events on the track and field the entire night! There is nothing more inspiring and uplifting than to get to the event in the evening, watch the sun set, wait all night through the long dark hours, and then finally see the sun rise once again.
That part of the event, eventhough the coordinators had nothing to do with that piece, God takes care of that one for us, but that part of the event, truly shows the cycle of one's life with cancer. The great sunny day is all of the years before being diagnosed with cancer. The sun set marks the first sign of cancer as there is still hope that cancer is not the diagnoses. Then there comes the deep dark night when some hope gets lost and your body is not longer your own. And finally through the darkness, there comes the sun again, sweeping away the cancer and allowing you to go into remission and to begin to regain your own body back and regain all hope.
12 years ago I attended my first relay event on the track and field at my high school. I was a freshmen. This is was the second or third relay that our community had put on, so it still kind of new people. My high school marching band was asked to play at the opening ceremony, and reluctantly I agree to attend with them.
We began the opening ceremony with the Star Spangled Banner and then did some football songs and ended with the school's fight song. As I clung to my trombone during those songs, I am pretty sure I did not get one single note out of that instrument that day.
A month before the relay, my best friend, who I had met in kindergarten and remained friends, had his life taken by that ugly thing called cancer. And in fact, the relay event that year, was in his honor.
I had no idea that my friend was so sick at the time. I knew he had struggled with cancer ever since the second grade, but at the 8th grade promotion ceremony, just a few months earlier from the relay, he was able to attend.
Somehow he had enough strength and courage to make it to the promotion ceremony eventhough he had just lost his right leg due to the spreading of cancer in his bones.
I proudly watched him as he stepped onto that promotion stage to receive his certificate, up the three stairs and back down, on crutches, with his right pant leg hemmed up to his knee.
That was just four months before he died.
When I found out he had passed away, I felt something I had never felt before. Deep sadness.
Sure, I had had lots of other people die in my life before him. My grandfather included. And all of those passings where difficult for me too, but all of those who had passed before my friend, were over the age of 70. At that "old" age, there is no where to go but up (literally!), right?
But I had never experienced a death of a friend my own age.
How could God allow this to happen? Doesn't he know that only "old" people should die?
My parents graciously allowed to take me out of school for my friend's funeral. I remember his funeral as if it were yesterday.
There were lots of people I knew. But they were all older. I was probably the only person my friend's age there, besides his cousins. Was that because he spent most of his life at home fighting this disease so he didn't really have any friends? Or was it because it was a school day? I like to think that it is just because it was a school day...
I sat in the second row of the chairs on the grass of the cemetery, right in front of my friend's coffin. On his coffin there was a picture of him from the second grade. And a remote control car next to the picture frame (when he got sick, RC cars became his favorite hobby, as it didn't require much physical effort).
I asked my mom why his picture was not more recent - since the second grade was year's ago. She didn't know the real answer, but guessed that, the second grade was the last time he had a professional photo taken, and right before he got sick and didn't start to look like himself.
As I sat in that second row chair I prayed to God for peace for my friend. That he no longer had to suffer. And that God provide peace for his parents, and allow them to not suffer any longer as well.
And as I allowed my thoughts to drift in prayer, I remember saying to God, what do I do now?
And for the first time, I heard God whisper to me. He said, "Now you have to live your life to the absolute fullest, because Brian no longer can."
I knew it was God. The voice that came into my head, and offered that soft whisper was not my own. And I didn't feel myself processing that thought as it occurred in my head.
God spoke to me for the first time that day. Well, at least, I heard God speak to me for the first time that day.
And what he had to say was pretty inspiring.
To live my life to the fullest.
Participating in the relay each year reminds me of just that. To live your life to the fullest. No matter what. No matter if you have cancer. No matter if your a caretaker of someone with cancer. Live your life to the fullest.
Because you never know when it will be taken away from you.
(And, ps, the title of this post, "extinct like the dinosaurs" is the 2012 relay theme. To make cancer extinct like the dinosaurs! Amen to that!)
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Application Fever
As I mentioned in an earlier post, my husband has been looking for work in a new field.
And in an attempt to save some money, we do not have internet access at home. I only have access while at work.
And of course, as it stands, almost all job applications are posted where? Yes, online. And guess how you apply for these jobs? Yes, again, online.
In the beginning of his job hunting, I would scout out good openings for him and on his lunch he would come and pick and choose from my list and then apply for all that he felt were worth a shot.
But then over the weeks and months that past, this got really old. And he started to slack off. Or I wanted to go to a lunch buffet instead of being at work. And all these other excuses.
So what begin happening, was that I was now not only finding myself scouting for possible jobs, but now I was applying to them as well.
And you know how boring that is? Especially when it is not even for you?
I don't know what is it nowadays, but you can't just upload a pre-made resume into an application engine and send it off.
No. You have to create an account. This includes a username, but the first username you typed in was already taken, so you had to come up with another one. Then you must create a password that has 10 letters, 3 have to be uppercase, 2 have to be the same, and you also need to add 4 numbers, but do not place them together.
Now that you are into the system, you have to create a profile. Include your name, age, address, and boiler plate questionnaire and security questions regarding if you are a sex offender or not.
And then you have to type in your resume into their own unique system, so you have to retype your entire work history, all your references, all your educational backgrounds, and be sure to include the street and city addresses for all as well.
It is just ridiculous.
By the time you have all of that complete, two hours have gone by, easy.
And now you have that done, you have two more applications to complete by the end of the day (deadlines), and both are on different job sites, so the process has to begin all over again for both.
And you know, I have been applying for so many jobs for him, that it has come to the point now where I have created usernames and passwords with different organizations, and then find another opening at the same organization that I have already created a profile for months ago, and yup you guessed it, I forgot that I did. So now I have to either call their IT department and ask for a new username and password, or wait for an email explaining the ten steps it takes to reclaim the account.
Oh, if only I was more organized. I could have all this information in one place.
Or better yet, if I had known that I still would be applying for jobs seven months after I started, maybe I would have thought about saving that information in the first place.
But at the very least, my typing skills have improved. And, I know my husband's personal information like the back of my hand. And probably even better than I know my own.
So, here's to the one day where I can stop job hunting for him and instead just focus on washing his new work uniforms.
And in an attempt to save some money, we do not have internet access at home. I only have access while at work.
And of course, as it stands, almost all job applications are posted where? Yes, online. And guess how you apply for these jobs? Yes, again, online.
In the beginning of his job hunting, I would scout out good openings for him and on his lunch he would come and pick and choose from my list and then apply for all that he felt were worth a shot.
But then over the weeks and months that past, this got really old. And he started to slack off. Or I wanted to go to a lunch buffet instead of being at work. And all these other excuses.
So what begin happening, was that I was now not only finding myself scouting for possible jobs, but now I was applying to them as well.
And you know how boring that is? Especially when it is not even for you?
I don't know what is it nowadays, but you can't just upload a pre-made resume into an application engine and send it off.
No. You have to create an account. This includes a username, but the first username you typed in was already taken, so you had to come up with another one. Then you must create a password that has 10 letters, 3 have to be uppercase, 2 have to be the same, and you also need to add 4 numbers, but do not place them together.
Now that you are into the system, you have to create a profile. Include your name, age, address, and boiler plate questionnaire and security questions regarding if you are a sex offender or not.
And then you have to type in your resume into their own unique system, so you have to retype your entire work history, all your references, all your educational backgrounds, and be sure to include the street and city addresses for all as well.
It is just ridiculous.
By the time you have all of that complete, two hours have gone by, easy.
And now you have that done, you have two more applications to complete by the end of the day (deadlines), and both are on different job sites, so the process has to begin all over again for both.
And you know, I have been applying for so many jobs for him, that it has come to the point now where I have created usernames and passwords with different organizations, and then find another opening at the same organization that I have already created a profile for months ago, and yup you guessed it, I forgot that I did. So now I have to either call their IT department and ask for a new username and password, or wait for an email explaining the ten steps it takes to reclaim the account.
Oh, if only I was more organized. I could have all this information in one place.
Or better yet, if I had known that I still would be applying for jobs seven months after I started, maybe I would have thought about saving that information in the first place.
But at the very least, my typing skills have improved. And, I know my husband's personal information like the back of my hand. And probably even better than I know my own.
So, here's to the one day where I can stop job hunting for him and instead just focus on washing his new work uniforms.
Wanting to Shake Them Silly
In my work with college-age students I am finding myself more and more frustrated with how these young people chose to live their young lives, and the outlooks they have of them...
First, there is this freshmen in college, actually, she has not even had one day in college yet, and she thinks that she is Miss Independent. This is hilarious to me because her parents are 100% footing her college bill right down to her newly purchased dorm room shower curtain. I am sorry. But you are not at all, any sort, of independent, if your parents financial support your every move. You are still a child. You are still under the rules and regulations of your parents. Regardless if you are living under their roof anymore or not. Period.
Second, there is this sophomore in college who still has yet to find a part-time job after allegedly looking for over a year now. This person takes only 2 classes per semester, so 8 hours a week of in-class time. What does this person do the rest of the week? Today, this person visited me and was complaining about how difficult it is to find a job. And I asked - well, did you apply here? The answer - well, no because I refuse to work there because of the way their employees are treated, I saw the documentary. Ok, I responded, so did you apply at this place then? The answer - you guessed it, well no, because I don't want to work with shredded cheese (ACTUALLY answer might I add).
And finally, there is this other sophomore in college who still has yet to learn to let go and move on. The person's home life seems to have been shot from the get-go, but yet this person still lives at home and deals with the people that bring such drama into his life. And it seems that every other week he has moved out of his house because of reoccurring issues at home. So how do you help someone that doesn't help themselves? The very first time this person decided to move out, I helped him find a place to live. I gave him money to get by on until he could find a job. But that didn't work. He found an excuse to move back home - the very next week. Gave all the money to his family in the house he moved out of. And stopped looking for a job to instead work for free in the home, doing childcare for the younger siblings and running errands. And now this person has moved out again. No where to go. No money. No job.
At this point, I should just throw up my hands and say I quit.
That would probably really make me happy actually.
But then I remember how Jesus told us to forgive our neighbor 77 times. And if you read that scripture closely, it isn't 77 times in a lifetime. It is 77 times in the SAME day for the SAME offense. That's perfect love right there folks.
So no. I won't quit.
I won't give up.
And even when I feel frustrated and mad and upset over all these different situations I encounter, I will keep chugging along as Jesus would ask me to.
I should not get upset over something that I cannot control. And from lessons learned, I definitely cannot control this!
But you know who can?
Yup. God. God can handle all these situations. And he understands my frustrations too, I am sure.
So I will take comfort in knowing that God once again has my back. And that I was not placed here on earth to solve all the problems. Jesus was.
All I have to do now is show compassion for his people, and try to stay composed while doing it.
First, there is this freshmen in college, actually, she has not even had one day in college yet, and she thinks that she is Miss Independent. This is hilarious to me because her parents are 100% footing her college bill right down to her newly purchased dorm room shower curtain. I am sorry. But you are not at all, any sort, of independent, if your parents financial support your every move. You are still a child. You are still under the rules and regulations of your parents. Regardless if you are living under their roof anymore or not. Period.
Second, there is this sophomore in college who still has yet to find a part-time job after allegedly looking for over a year now. This person takes only 2 classes per semester, so 8 hours a week of in-class time. What does this person do the rest of the week? Today, this person visited me and was complaining about how difficult it is to find a job. And I asked - well, did you apply here? The answer - well, no because I refuse to work there because of the way their employees are treated, I saw the documentary. Ok, I responded, so did you apply at this place then? The answer - you guessed it, well no, because I don't want to work with shredded cheese (ACTUALLY answer might I add).
And finally, there is this other sophomore in college who still has yet to learn to let go and move on. The person's home life seems to have been shot from the get-go, but yet this person still lives at home and deals with the people that bring such drama into his life. And it seems that every other week he has moved out of his house because of reoccurring issues at home. So how do you help someone that doesn't help themselves? The very first time this person decided to move out, I helped him find a place to live. I gave him money to get by on until he could find a job. But that didn't work. He found an excuse to move back home - the very next week. Gave all the money to his family in the house he moved out of. And stopped looking for a job to instead work for free in the home, doing childcare for the younger siblings and running errands. And now this person has moved out again. No where to go. No money. No job.
At this point, I should just throw up my hands and say I quit.
That would probably really make me happy actually.
But then I remember how Jesus told us to forgive our neighbor 77 times. And if you read that scripture closely, it isn't 77 times in a lifetime. It is 77 times in the SAME day for the SAME offense. That's perfect love right there folks.
So no. I won't quit.
I won't give up.
And even when I feel frustrated and mad and upset over all these different situations I encounter, I will keep chugging along as Jesus would ask me to.
I should not get upset over something that I cannot control. And from lessons learned, I definitely cannot control this!
But you know who can?
Yup. God. God can handle all these situations. And he understands my frustrations too, I am sure.
So I will take comfort in knowing that God once again has my back. And that I was not placed here on earth to solve all the problems. Jesus was.
All I have to do now is show compassion for his people, and try to stay composed while doing it.
The In-Law Situation
Have you ever heard the old saying, "God will only give you what you can handle"?
Well, I believe this saying and often look to it in times of stress and overbooking and overall craziness.
But, in a different light, I now see this saying taking on a new meaning.
For background - my husband has never known his father. His mother and grandmother raised him and he has never even laid eyes on his father. Doesn't even really know if his father is still alive or where he even lives.
So when I married my husband, I gained only a mother-in-law, not a father-in-law too.
By this point I thought I had scored. Because I only had to deal with one in-law parent instead of two, or in some cases three or four.
But over the last few years of our marriage, I can see that God truly did give me all I can handle with only giving me one in-law parent.
When I married my husband I was told to be careful, because he and I are from different cultures, and he was raised much differently than me. And down the line, some where down the line, we would run into trouble.
I brushed them off as most excited new brides would, thinking that love would conquer all - but now I see where those good-doers were coming from.
My mother-in-law is an issue.
She is an issue in my life, my husband's life, our married life, and the lives of her other children.
And without going into much more detail for personal sake, I really can't handle her.
This next semester in MOPS, I am leading a group of new mothers through a Bible study book entitled, Mothering without Guilt. It hopes to teach these young moms how to let go of "false" guilt and learn to expect "true" guilt in her parenting.
One major "false" guilt that mothers carry is being what the book calls a "martyr mother." You know the type, where the mom puts guilt on her children for their successes and for her sacrifices she made raising her children and in return her children owe her things like phone calls, presents, money, and sometimes even more.
One perfect example of my mother-in-law being a "martyr mother" is when we offered her to stay with us for a week in our home, and she invited over eight of her personal friends to come over for dinner without asking us first, or even giving us a heads-up. As she put it, "This is my house. I can invite whomever I want over."
Well, no lady, this isn't your house. As I recall, you didn't have anything to do with purchasing it. But in her mind, it is her house, because it is her son's house, and her son belongs to her because she raised him.
And I am just venting here, but whenever I joking point out to her a characteristic of my husband's personality, she always responds by saying, "You don't think I know this? I am his mother! I know everything about him!" Well, again, no lady, you don't. His co-workers now know more about him than you.
I know that my relationship with my mother-in-law will only get worse once my child is born. I have seen it with the relationship of her other daughter-in-law and her first grandchild.
My only hope now is that God continues to hold my tongue when all I want to do is lash out at her for everything she has done, and let my husband do all the talking.
And I will continue to seek refuge knowing that God blessed me with only one in-law parent to deal with - because that's all he knew I could handle.
Well, I believe this saying and often look to it in times of stress and overbooking and overall craziness.
But, in a different light, I now see this saying taking on a new meaning.
For background - my husband has never known his father. His mother and grandmother raised him and he has never even laid eyes on his father. Doesn't even really know if his father is still alive or where he even lives.
So when I married my husband, I gained only a mother-in-law, not a father-in-law too.
By this point I thought I had scored. Because I only had to deal with one in-law parent instead of two, or in some cases three or four.
But over the last few years of our marriage, I can see that God truly did give me all I can handle with only giving me one in-law parent.
When I married my husband I was told to be careful, because he and I are from different cultures, and he was raised much differently than me. And down the line, some where down the line, we would run into trouble.
I brushed them off as most excited new brides would, thinking that love would conquer all - but now I see where those good-doers were coming from.
My mother-in-law is an issue.
She is an issue in my life, my husband's life, our married life, and the lives of her other children.
And without going into much more detail for personal sake, I really can't handle her.
This next semester in MOPS, I am leading a group of new mothers through a Bible study book entitled, Mothering without Guilt. It hopes to teach these young moms how to let go of "false" guilt and learn to expect "true" guilt in her parenting.
One major "false" guilt that mothers carry is being what the book calls a "martyr mother." You know the type, where the mom puts guilt on her children for their successes and for her sacrifices she made raising her children and in return her children owe her things like phone calls, presents, money, and sometimes even more.
One perfect example of my mother-in-law being a "martyr mother" is when we offered her to stay with us for a week in our home, and she invited over eight of her personal friends to come over for dinner without asking us first, or even giving us a heads-up. As she put it, "This is my house. I can invite whomever I want over."
Well, no lady, this isn't your house. As I recall, you didn't have anything to do with purchasing it. But in her mind, it is her house, because it is her son's house, and her son belongs to her because she raised him.
And I am just venting here, but whenever I joking point out to her a characteristic of my husband's personality, she always responds by saying, "You don't think I know this? I am his mother! I know everything about him!" Well, again, no lady, you don't. His co-workers now know more about him than you.
I know that my relationship with my mother-in-law will only get worse once my child is born. I have seen it with the relationship of her other daughter-in-law and her first grandchild.
My only hope now is that God continues to hold my tongue when all I want to do is lash out at her for everything she has done, and let my husband do all the talking.
And I will continue to seek refuge knowing that God blessed me with only one in-law parent to deal with - because that's all he knew I could handle.
Arguing With God
Some interesting life improvements have happened since my last post. First, I am pregnant with my first child. This is exciting, but it came more as a surprise and even six months into the pregnancy, I still feel that this really isn't happening to me. Second, my spouse has been applying for jobs in a new state we wish to move to and finally got offered an interview for a potential job there. Third, what I thought would be a permanent house guest, finally moved out after living with us free and clear for a year and a half.
But why am I not more excited?
I titled this post "arguing with God" because I shamefully think that I am. Eventhough things in my life are progressing, it just doesn't seem to be progressing the way I think it should be, or at the speed I think it should be. Why can't God just allow for the progressions I want, when I want, and how I want them to happen?
Now I know this is a problem with most people and God. People feel that God has left them or that God doesn't want to see them succeed. And to them I say hogwash. But for some reason, now that my own x, y, and z are not adding up for me, I seem to be in the same sad boat.
The problem with arguing with God is that he doesn't argue back. And that's probably the most frustrating. Because the best part about arguing is the back-and-forth and the best possible potential to win the argument at hand. But this doesn't happen when you argue with God. Actually the opposite happens. But you try your best argument on God, he simply rebuttals with a smile and a gentle laugh.
And this makes it worse.
Because deep down inside that stubborn heart of yours (or mine as this case may be), you know that you are wrong. You know that you have no right arguing with the King of Kings. And the only reason you are arguing in the first place, is because you lost your faith in Him. And as a Christian you are taught to never, ever, lose the faith.
Yes, I sinfully admit that I wish God would take better care of me. At least in my eyes.
But I know that my eyes are deceiving. And I need to reconnect with my Father in heaven. Stop denying his grace. Stop trying to prove I'm right. And be opened to his blessings in his rightful time. Not mine.
And I shouldn't want to push my agenda without God's backing in the first place.
The Lord truly only knows where I would be then.
But why am I not more excited?
I titled this post "arguing with God" because I shamefully think that I am. Eventhough things in my life are progressing, it just doesn't seem to be progressing the way I think it should be, or at the speed I think it should be. Why can't God just allow for the progressions I want, when I want, and how I want them to happen?
Now I know this is a problem with most people and God. People feel that God has left them or that God doesn't want to see them succeed. And to them I say hogwash. But for some reason, now that my own x, y, and z are not adding up for me, I seem to be in the same sad boat.
The problem with arguing with God is that he doesn't argue back. And that's probably the most frustrating. Because the best part about arguing is the back-and-forth and the best possible potential to win the argument at hand. But this doesn't happen when you argue with God. Actually the opposite happens. But you try your best argument on God, he simply rebuttals with a smile and a gentle laugh.
And this makes it worse.
Because deep down inside that stubborn heart of yours (or mine as this case may be), you know that you are wrong. You know that you have no right arguing with the King of Kings. And the only reason you are arguing in the first place, is because you lost your faith in Him. And as a Christian you are taught to never, ever, lose the faith.
Yes, I sinfully admit that I wish God would take better care of me. At least in my eyes.
But I know that my eyes are deceiving. And I need to reconnect with my Father in heaven. Stop denying his grace. Stop trying to prove I'm right. And be opened to his blessings in his rightful time. Not mine.
And I shouldn't want to push my agenda without God's backing in the first place.
The Lord truly only knows where I would be then.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Tebow Fever
I used to never watch sports. I grew up in a household that never watched sports, so hey, I didn't either.
But when I got married, that all changed. And, I guess you can say for the better.
My husband loves the Florida Gator football team. And so when we got married, I started watching gator games with him and fell in love (football love, calm down) with the gator quarterback Tim Tebow. He was handsome. He was charming. And best yet, he was a great man of God.
He would write scriptures on his cheeks for the games and we would often look up the scriptures later to see what they were.
When he graduated from UF, he was drafted to the Denver Broncos. Didn't really matter to me, as I wasn't a really big NFL fan yet. So, Broncos it is. Go Broncos!
We followed his seasons with the Broncos very closely and our Tebow faith was strong.
Now in the off season, we learn that Peyton Manning, a great quarterback with many Super Bowl rings to prove it, was signed by the Broncos for the 2012 season. Leaving Tebow in the dark.
So where would Tebow go?
Well, it hasn't been an easy NFL ride at my house, as we were not thrilled with the trade of Manning, but today I see that my man Tebow was traded to the New York Jets, as the second string quarterback, but with hopes of becoming first.
Oh brother.
I just hope that Tebow remains in the spotlight. Some people really don't like him as an athlete, but he does amazing things for the kingdom of God. And he uses his spotlight to glorify Him.
So, I guess all I can say is, Go Jets!
But when I got married, that all changed. And, I guess you can say for the better.
My husband loves the Florida Gator football team. And so when we got married, I started watching gator games with him and fell in love (football love, calm down) with the gator quarterback Tim Tebow. He was handsome. He was charming. And best yet, he was a great man of God.
He would write scriptures on his cheeks for the games and we would often look up the scriptures later to see what they were.
When he graduated from UF, he was drafted to the Denver Broncos. Didn't really matter to me, as I wasn't a really big NFL fan yet. So, Broncos it is. Go Broncos!
We followed his seasons with the Broncos very closely and our Tebow faith was strong.
Now in the off season, we learn that Peyton Manning, a great quarterback with many Super Bowl rings to prove it, was signed by the Broncos for the 2012 season. Leaving Tebow in the dark.
So where would Tebow go?
Well, it hasn't been an easy NFL ride at my house, as we were not thrilled with the trade of Manning, but today I see that my man Tebow was traded to the New York Jets, as the second string quarterback, but with hopes of becoming first.
Oh brother.
I just hope that Tebow remains in the spotlight. Some people really don't like him as an athlete, but he does amazing things for the kingdom of God. And he uses his spotlight to glorify Him.
So, I guess all I can say is, Go Jets!
Promotion, Shmoshion
Last night I failed as a wife.
Total bomb. Total failure. Totally hopeless.
My husband has been having lots of stresses at work. He has been working at his "new" job for almost eight months now after being unemployed for almost 6 months prior. He is still the last person that they have hired on, and he started from the bottom, and now he is considered # 2 in ranking positions. Not bad if you ask me!
Anyway, a few weeks ago it got around that the store manager was going to be transferring to another store in another state. So who would be promoted to take over as store manager? Or, who would they bring in?
Well, I got it into my head that my husband should be promoted to store manager. He is the # 2 anyway underneath the store manager # 1 position and he knows the layout of the business and he basically has been running the store anyway since the store manager's transfer.
My first fail - getting it into my husband's head that he should be promoted to the # 1 position too.
I went on and on and on for weeks over how he should approached the district manager and ask for the # 1 job and how even though he has been there the shortest amount of time, he is the best choice for the company and would not let the company down.
My second, major fail - getting too emotional when he was turned down.
Yesterday he came home for lunch (a 45-minute lunch instead of the regular hour because the store needs him that badly) and told me that he talked it over with the district manager and he didn't think that my husband was ready for the # 1 spot yet, and that the job would not go to him.
Now being in my reasonable professional state-of-mind, this makes sense. My husband has not been with the company very long, so much so he doesn't even qualify for vacation time yet, and he has not been trained for such a position.
But yesterday, oh man, I was livid! I was pissed! I even threw a few "f" bombs out. How dare he be turned down for the job! He deserves it. He can do it. And he would make the company better.
After ranting to my husband, he looked at me and told me that me being so upset over this is not helping him in anyway. It just makes him madder. It just makes him more stressed out. And I shouldn't be acting this way.
Deep breath.
He is so right.
Major fail on my part. It is not my place to add to his stress. And if there is still that small chance that he could end up being promoted, he may blow it, if his head isn't all together, and he is too emotional like me!
So, I took it God. Which I should have done in the first place...
I got the dogs and my devotional book of prayers and scriptures and we went out in the backyard after he left after lunch.
I read page after page of the book until I felt my heart soften. Then I went to God in prayer. Asking him to release the stresses that I have placed on my husband and to help me keep positive and light even in this heavy situation.
My prayers turned to gratitude and I realized that just a few months ago, my prayer was that my husband even be given a job.
And I am so grateful to God for blessing us with his employment once again. And to think that he was at the very bottom when he started, and now he is # 2. What a blessing!
I shouldn't get so caught up in emotion over this promotion of being # 1. If he is right for the job, and God sees this promotion as best fit for us, then he will be promoted. But it is not for me to try to control this situation, or get emotional about it. God is in control. God is able to provide for us. And even though I try and try to remember that always, sometimes I fall short.
It's funny how things are never good enough, huh? I am always wanting more, wanting better. And yesterday when I was praying to God out in the sunshine, I understood why.
It's because this earth wasn't made for us. We are separated from God here. Nothing will be good enough until we are where we belong, with our creator, living forever in heaven with Him.
Until that time, we have to keep our eyes toward heaven. Nothing can get you down when you are always looking up!
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